As you may already know if you are reading this, narcissists have an excessive superficial interest in themselves and others. Their appearance, achievements, intellect, status, sexual appeal, etc. have helped them navigate the world while living in their false reality.
Some people hope and pray that as the narcissist ages, maturity and personal growth will humble them and reduce their unempathetic and selfish behaviors. Sadly, this does not happen, they simply get worse.
Aging threatens their ego and as they would see it, robs them of their reality.
As people get older, their natural personality strengthens. If you are sweet, you become sweeter. And if you are narcissistic, well, your mask isn’t as easy to hold up when supply is hard to come by and your youthfulness fades.
Can you imagine how this must feel to someone who’s whole life was so shallow? To a narcissist, it feels like they are becoming invisible and people are forgetting how amazing they are.
7 minute read: Here are some reasons the aging narcissist gets worse as they grow older:
Loss of Control
Narcissists are used to being in control of every aspect of their life, including how others perceive them. However, they are unable to control the aging process. While they may be able to manipulate it for some time, it won’t last.
This loss of control can be terrifying for the aging female narcissist that has always attracted men with her curves and seductive eyes, or the aging narcissistic man who captivates a room by his intellect and charm.
They may even need to depend on younger people for their basic needs and this can feel insulting and enrage them.
Narcissists are also extremely impatient in general, but their grandiosity grows as their control diminishes.
They may no longer hold the same level of power and influence they once did. Others may no longer see them as a threat or feel the need to cater to their demands. This loss of power can be a harsh reality check for those who are used to always getting what they want.
Fear of Losing Youthful Looks
Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder are often obsessed with their appearance and strive to maintain a youthful and attractive image. As they age, their physical features may change, wrinkles may appear, and their once youthful looks begin to fade.
This can be a major blow to their self-esteem as they no longer feel like the center of attention or the most desirable person in the room. They lose their ability to control others through their attractive looks and charm.
To combat the fear of losing their youthful looks, the aging narcissist may seek out younger individuals to be seen with. They see these young people as a reflection of their own youth and attractiveness, and being seen in their company can boost their self-esteem.
This could manifest in dating much younger individuals and sporting them around town or on social media as their trophy.
Somatic narcs, those who focus on the body and their appearance, will desperately try to turn back the hands of time. You may find them getting plastic surgery, obsessing over age reducing supplements and creams, and even wearing clothing meant for much younger individuals.
Additionally, narcissists may also feel threatened by the success and appearance of other individuals who are aging gracefully. Seeing others who have maintained their youth can trigger feelings of jealousy and inadequacy.
They may go to extreme lengths to try and compete with anyone that threatens them.
Difficulty Maintaining Relationships
As narcissists age, they may struggle to maintain relationships with others. Their selfish tendencies and need for control can push people away, leaving them feeling isolated and alone. This can be a harsh reality for those who were once surrounded by admirers and followers.
They robbed people of peace all their life and many are not willing to put up with their angry, argumentative selves. Their weaknesses can now be seen by everybody, causing many of them to cry or burst out in temper tantrums all of the time.
They have a hard time accepting their current state and feel as if old age is an injustice or a curse on them. The supply that came so much easier to them when they were younger, can now feel impossible to reach.
The mask isn’t as easy to keep on, some in fact won’t even try anymore, and their behaviors escalate. They may not seem like the same person he or she once was.
Narcissistic Elderly and Dementia
The aging narcissist may also face the possibility of developing dementia or other sicknesses.
Related article: How Narcissists Act When They Are Sick
This can be a difficult and frightening experience for someone who has always prided themselves on their intellect and superiority.
Dementia is defined by the National Institute of Health as loss of cognitive functioning such as thinking, remembering, and reasoning to the severity of interfering with your daily life – all things that are essential to a narcissist’s sense of self.
The decline in cognitive abilities can also lead to feelings of vulnerability and loss of control as they become older adults. They may struggle to maintain their facade as their mental faculties deteriorate, causing them to lash out in anger or frustration.
Additionally, dementia can make it even harder for a narcissist to adapt to change or accept help from others. They may resist treatment or refuse to acknowledge their condition, and can become increasingly isolated as a result.
There is a higher risk of suicide in elderly narcissist who is suffering with dementia. This only adds fuel onto the fire they are already experiencing.
Protecting Yourself Against the Narcissist
Narcissists are known for their manipulative and self-centered behavior, making it difficult to maintain a healthy relationship with them. As they age, this can become more challenging. In this section, we will discuss some ways to protect yourself from the negative effects of an aging narcissist.
Set Boundaries
One of the most crucial ways to protect yourself from an aging narcissist is by setting clear boundaries. Narcissists have a tendency to invade personal space and violate boundaries, so it is essential to establish and enforce your own limits. This could include limiting contact, avoiding certain topics or situations, and choosing to forgive and love at a distance, standing up for yourself when necessary.
Don’t Engage in Arguments
Narcissists thrive on drama and conflict, which can be exhausting for those around them. As they age, their need for control may increase, leading to more arguments and disagreements. To protect yourself, it is best to avoid engaging in arguments with a narcissist. Instead, calmly state your boundaries and disengage from the conversation.
Focus on Self-Care
Dealing with a narcissist can be emotionally draining and may take a toll on your mental well-being. It is essential to prioritize self-care and focus on activities that bring you joy and relaxation. This could include exercise, meditation, spending time with loved ones, or pursuing hobbies. Taking care of yourself will not only benefit your mental health but also give you the strength to deal with the challenges of an aging narcissist.
Manage Expectations
It is important to remember that you cannot change the narcissist’s behavior. Their personality traits are deeply ingrained and unlikely to change at this stage in their life. Managing your expectations and accepting that they may never truly change can help protect your emotional well-being.
Seek Support
If you are in a narcissistic relationship, caretaking or working, or even healing from narcissistic abusive relationship with a cluster b personality it’s so very important that you seek support from those who can help you navigate the situation.
We have partnered with BetterHelp – who provides affordable mental health support for those navigating relationships with narcissists, experiencing PTSD, or healing from gaslighting and emotional abuse.
I’ve personally used Better Help in my healing journey. The pros for me were they offer therapy on a sliding scale, you can do phone, text or video sessions, you can message your therapist between sessions, there’s extra group sessions, and there’s no commitment, you can pause your membership or cancel at any time. You get a ton of support.
Also, they allow you to change therapists if you don’t feel they are a match for you. It took me 3 different times until I found someone that I was comfortable with.
Get matched with a qualified therapist and get support from the comfort of your own home.
Conclusion
Overall, aging with narcissistic personality disorder is a complex and challenging experience.
Narcissists are only interested in their version of reality which is based on distorted thinking and manipulation, so when the true reality of age starts setting in and they can no longer use the tools they’ve learned to navigate the world with, you will see the worst version of themselves.
If they have been able to control people with rage, you will definitely see this increase as they get older.
They will also be forced to face the realities of the relationships around them and the people who loved them. Some will not have a soul in sight as they have all left due to their horrible behaviors.
