The flying monkey meaning is when individuals manipulated by a narcissist to act on their behalf, furthering the narcissist’s agenda. They are often used to perpetuate the narcissist’s abuse toward another person. Let’s explore the role and tactics of flying monkeys in the narcissist’s scheme and dirty work.
Identifying Flying Monkeys
The term “flying monkey” originates from the Wicked Witch of the West’s minions in L. Frank Baum’s classic tale, “The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.”
These creatures are iconic for their role in carrying out the witch’s bidding, adding an element of fear and suspense to the story as they swoop down to capture Dorothy and her friends.
Not everyone displaying flying monkey behavior is aware of their actions. Many might not even recognize that they are being manipulated, making them hard to spot initially.
But other flying monkeys are very aware and will gladly take the chance to abuse others.
Let’s explore the various types of narcissistic enablers to better understand the traits and behaviors commonly associated with flying monkeys.
Malevolent Enabler
Malevolent enablers are individuals who actively support the manipulator’s behavior, but with malicious intent.
These people are considered toxically positive enablers , as they use their support and positivity to further the manipulator’s agenda.
They may enjoy seeing others suffer or gain pleasure from participating in the manipulation tactics.
They are the narcissist’s narcissist. They may have high traits of narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder themselves.
It can be difficult to identify malevolent enablers as they often disguise their true intentions and may appear friendly or even sympathetic towards the victim.
However, their actions ultimately serve to further the manipulator’s agenda and cause harm to others.
Toxically Positive Enablers
Toxically positive enablers are individuals who enable the manipulator’s behavior through their blind optimism and refusal to acknowledge or address any negative aspects.
They may dismiss the concerns or experiences of the victim, believing that everything will work out in the end.
These enablers may also have a tendency to gaslight the victim, making them doubt their own feelings and perceptions.
While they may not have malicious intent like malevolent enablers, their actions still contribute to the harmful effects of manipulation.
Mildly Narcissistic Enablers
Mildly narcissistic enablers are individuals who enable the manipulator’s behavior due to their own insecurities and need for validation.
They may admire the manipulator’s charisma and charm, wanting to be associated with them in order to boost their own social status.
These enablers may also downplay or justify the manipulator’s actions, making excuses for them and ignoring any red flags.
Potentially even suggesting to victims that they are the problem.
Benevolent Enabler
Benevolent Enablers – In contrast to their malevolent counterparts, benevolent enablers often believe they are assisting the manipulator and may even have sincere intentions.
They may make excuses for their behavior or deny any wrongdoing in order to protect the manipulator.
However, by enabling the manipulator’s behavior, they inadvertently contribute to the harm done to others and perpetuate toxic dynamics within relationships.
It’s important to recognize that enabling, even with good intentions, ultimately enables the manipulator and hinders their potential for growth and change.
Ignorant Enabler
Ignorant Enablers – These flying monkeys may not be aware of the manipulator’s behavior or tactics, and so they unknowingly become accomplices in the harm done to others.
They don’t understand narcissism or ways people manipulate other people.
They may simply believe what the manipulator tells them without questioning it, or they may turn a blind eye to any red flags or signs of abuse.
Pollyanna Enabler
Pollyanna Enablers – These individuals have a positive and optimistic outlook on life, making them vulnerable to the manipulator’s gaslighting tactics. They are childish and immature.
This goes beyond misunderstanding; it is a denial rooted in fantasy thinking. This mindset is dangerous because, unlike uninformed enablers, these individuals resist education.
They refuse to accept any notion that not everyone in the world is good, and they amplify cognitive dissonance in victims.
Victims often blame themselves and have actually stayed in relationship with narcissists and other abusers because of what a pollyanna enabler.
The manipulator may use false compliments and flattery to manipulate Pollyanna enablers into believing that everything is fine and that any concerns about their behavior are unfounded.
This can make it difficult for victims to seek help or support from these enablers, as they may not believe or understand the severity of the situation.
Self Serving Enabler
Self-serving Enablers – These individuals may support the manipulator’s actions because they benefit from it in some way. They may be gaining financially, socially, or emotionally from their relationship with the manipulator.
They may be aware of the harm caused by the manipulator but choose to ignore it for their own gain.
These enablers may also use gaslighting tactics themselves to maintain their own position and power within the dynamic.
They can be threatened by any victim who speaks out against the manipulator, as it could expose their own involvement in enabling harmful behavior.
Flying Monkey Tactics
These tactics can be used by both manipulators and their enablers to further manipulate the victim and discredit their experiences.
Abuse By Proxy
The narcissist flying monkeys to abuse by proxy, meaning to abuse you indirectly through the actions of others.
For example, they may manipulate family members or friends to cut off contact with you or spread rumors and lies about you.
Abuse by proxy is a form of emotional manipulation. This can include spreading rumors, gaslighting, or even physically harming the victim.
The narcissistic personality often use their own children as weapons to continue abusing their ex partners after divorce or separation.
The main purpose of narcissistic abuse by proxy is to maintain control over their victim and isolate them from any potential support systems.
By using others to do their bidding, the manipulator can distance themselves from direct responsibility for their actions.
Smear Campaigns
Smear campaigns involve spreading false or exaggerated information about the victim in order to damage their reputation and isolate them from potential support systems.
Narcissists often employ “flying monkeys” as extensions of their smear campaigns.
When multiple individuals repeat the same narrative, it can begin to feel like the truth. It also helps to reach more people with their smear campaign.
This can also make the victim feel isolated and unsupported, leaving them vulnerable to further manipulation from the narcissist.
Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic commonly used by narcissists and their flying monkeys. This involves distorting the truth or making the victim doubt their own reality.
By changing the narrative, the abuser can make themselves appear innocent while portraying the victim as unreliable or mentally unstable.
Flying monkeys may also use gaslighting to make the victim doubt their own memories, feelings, and perceptions of events.
This can lead to confusion, self-doubt, and even psychological trauma for the victim.
Gaslighting can have severe emotional consequences on its victims. It can erode their sense of self-worth and confidence, leaving
How To Deal with Flying Monkeys
Dealing with flying monkeys can be difficult and emotionally taxing.
Here are some tips for dealing with flying monkeys:
- Do not engage in arguments or confrontations with them, as this will only feed into the manipulator’s game.
- Stay grounded in your reality; you know your experiences, and it’s easy to be gaslit by enablers.
- Set boundaries and make it clear that you will not tolerate being manipulated or used for someone else’s agenda.
- Avoid attempting to convert the flying monkeys or getting caught up in trying to “educate” them, as they are likely to perceive you as the problem.
- Educate yourself on healthy communication and assertiveness techniques to effectively communicate your boundaries and needs to the flying monkeys.
- Build new sources of support if you are surrounded by a narcissist and their flying monkeys. Get into therapy and treatment to heal from what you have experienced. Your mental health and nervous system will thank you!
Remember that you do not have control over other people’s actions, but you do have control over how you respond to them. By setting boundaries and seeking support, you can protect yourself from the negative effects of flying monkeys in toxic relationships.
