If your spouse does not have an awareness of his mother’s narcissism or at least her problematic behaviors and how this would make you feel, it’s going to be very a very challenging situation to navigate. Too often, this can cause a significant strain on a marriage and destroy it over time. Probably make you feel like you are going to explode as well.
Something you can do is make a list of all the issues that keep recurring with your mother-in-law and then separate them into two categories. One category would be the one’s that you would have to handle on your own and the other would be what you need your husband’s participation.
Then, choose 1-2 of the top problems from each category and think of suggestions and boundaries you can put into place that could reduce or eliminate the issue and consequences if she does not respect your boundaries. Once you have those worked out, continue down the list.
Boundaries are going to be huge for you and typically it will get worst before it gets better. She has been able to behave this way for some time now and she will probably throw a tantrum or find some grey area to avoid doing what you ask.
Narcissists hate boundaries, but if you do not enforce them they will continue to abuse, disrespect, manipulate, demand, dominate, and even triangulate you with your husband and/or children.
Triangulation can be reduced or eliminated simply by her seeing you and your husband becoming united and working out the problems and drama together. If a problem arises, you and your husband can both talk to her at the same time so she can not pin anyone against each other.
If you have any other questions about how to deal with a mother-in-law or in-law, please leave a comment below.