When a narcissist can no longer abuse you and use you like a doormat, they will create a distorted narrative designed to destroy your character and position themselves as the victim.
This is designed to destroy you and keep them in control even after the ending of the relationship, but it doesn’t have to.
As long as they get supply and your energy, they will continue doing it. You have to cut off all the energy he is getting from you.
Cut off all energy sources that connect you to him and do not get emotionally charged by his actions. They are not about you, they are really about himself.
- Exit the toxic environment and disconnect from anyone who is taking his side or mutual connections. Accept that you may lose people while trying to stop the smear campaign and create a healthy environment for yourself. People who believe his gossip didn’t have a deep connection with you anyway.
- Don’t get pulled into the false narrative and start defending yourself when someone brings his lies to you. Becoming defensive usually makes you look guilty to other people and makes you look emotional, toxic, crazy. So let the idea go that you can change their mind, instead say something like “I’m sorry you got involved in this gossip. I will not put any of my energy into it. Thank you for your concern though, I appreciate it.” And cut the conversation off. Healthy people will be able to see what’s happening at one point and his mask will fall off.
- If you can avoid the environment where your mutual connection or people would approach you about this, do so, or consider making changes in your life to do it as soon as you can. This also means on social media, block, and disconnect.
- Speak your truth to those that are exclusively on your site and not a mutual connection. Mutual connections are usually used to spy on you and further abuse you, even if their intentions are good.
- Put all of your energy into yourself. It’s time to take your self-care to the next level and get your life back. You will not be able to do that if you focus on the narcissist. Work on your healing, confidence, and sitting in YOUR TRUTH, no anyone else’s. Stay connected to positive energy as much as possible, that includes the people around you. Think about what changes you can make.
This is a hard lesson, but you have to let go of caring what others think about you because many of the people that believe him, he has probably been grooming far before you broke up.
You can literally get sick by engaging and allowing other opinions to destroy you.
It could get a little worse before it gets better because he will try some new attempts to gain control again, stay strong, and hold your position. Once they see they don’t have psychological, physical, or emotional effects on you or your life, they will focus their attention elsewhere.
If you feel you are in danger, you should contact a local domestic advocate (they are usually free) and speak to a lawyer. The advocate can usually point you to a lawyer and some are pro bono.
photo credit: www.instagram.com/szvmanski