Selena Gomez’s song “Lose You To Love Me” describes the heartbreak she felt after the ending of a relationship that most speculate was with Justin Bieber.
Selena says “This song was inspired by many things that have happened in my life since releasing my last album, I want people to feel hope and to know you will come out the other side stronger and a better version of yourself.”
During an interview, Justin stated “I started doing pretty heavy drugs at 19 and abused all of my relationships,” he wrote last month. “I became resentful, disrespectful to women, and angry. I became distant to everyone who loved me, and I was hiding behind a shell of a person that I had become. I felt like I could never turn it around. It’s taken me years to bounce back from all of these terrible decisions, fix broken relationships, and change relationship habits. Luckily god blessed me with extraordinary people who love me for me.”
Addictions can increase narcissistic behaviors in individuals.
Anyone who has been in a toxic relationship can feel her pain in this song and relate to the lyrics.
Let’s take a look at the song lyrics and how the feelings and relationship dynamic resembles that of a toxic relationship with an individual whose behaviors are narcissistically destructive.
You promised the world and I fell for it
Love bombing and yes, most of us fall for it because our feelings are being manipulated.
I put you first and you adored it
Typical of codependent, people-pleasing, and empathic individuals to put others first while narcissists adore you giving up “you” for them.
Set fires to my forest
And you let it burn
Sang off-key in my chorus
‘Cause it wasn’t yours
Destructive narcissists do not want you to shine too much and they can purposely “set fires” to limit your light.
I saw the signs and I ignored it
Rose-colored glasses all distorted
Red flags are often ignored because the relationship is moving fast, the intense highs feel worth the risks and seem minimal but over time can destroy you.
Set fire to my purpose
And I let it burn
Knowing a relationship is toxic for you, yet you still desire the connection could be a sign of a trauma bond.
You got off on the hurtin’
When it wasn’t yours, yeah
We’d always go into it blindly
This would suggest the partner got off on her pain which indicates he could be higher on the narcissism spectrum.
I needed to lose you to find me
This dancing was killing me softly
I needed to hate you to love me, yeah
Many people in these toxic relationships lose themselves because they have to make adjustments to their character to survive the heartbreak and relationship. In order to do deep healing work, you would need to remove yourself from the toxicity (as much as possible) because it’s nearly impossible to heal in the same environment that is getting you sick. People in these toxic relationships usually have given up self-love and self-care.
In two months, you replaced us
Like it was easy
Made me think I deserved it
In the thick of healing, yeah
It’s typical for you to feel they have moved on too fast, sometimes it’s immediately apparent. Narcissistic individuals do not like being alone as they need a constant supply source. This can make you feel like something is wrong with you and now the new partner gets the best of them. Nothing is wrong with you, and what you see in their new relationship is just part of another mask.
And now it’s goodbye, it’s goodbye for us
It’s harder to let go of a toxic relationship than it is a healthy relationship, especially when the individuals are trauma bonded. Breaking this bond is breaking an addiction that is stronger than heroin. You will literally go through withdrawal and intense cravings and can even fall back (relapse) into the relationship.