Why do they make you feel worthless, ugly and pathetic?

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Why do they constantly break you down and make you feel worthless, ugly, pathetic? And why, when you muster up the courage to leave, do they make it impossible for you to go?

They constantly break you down because it makes them feel powerful and in control. To control another human gives them some security and supply.⁠When they make you feel worthless, ugly, or pathetic, they are opening your wounds to weaken you. These are usually wounds from your childhood or past, that become more apparent to you as you heal.

Narcissists will systematically break you with overt and/or covert methods.. each time you break, they gain a little more control.⁠Most narcissistic are triggered by abandonment issues, so when you leave, this fear is heightened and they will do just about anything to gain more control and get you to stay. This could be manipulating you (I’m going to change, get help, I need you, don’t break our family up, I’m going to hurt myself) or physically preventing you from leaving.⁠It can be triggering and retraumatizing to speak to people that don’t understand exactly what you are going through.

It can help you shift into your healing and personal power to seek experts that understand narcissistic abuse and how it affects interpersonal relationships.


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