Mary J. Blige’s “Mr. Wrong” is a perfect example of how a toxic relationship keeps us trapped even when we know it’s not good for us.
Let’s take a look at the song lyrics and how the feelings and relationship dynamic resembles that of a toxic relationship with an individual whose behaviors are narcissistically destructive.
Don’t it seem like, like I’m always there when it matters
But missing most of the other time, a terrible pattern
Narcissists need a constant flow of attention and admiration, therefore they need several sources. This could be relationships, work, or other resources.
They will calculate the minimal amount of time they must invest in their current relationships to keep the other person engaged so they have time for other sources. If a relationship does not offer them enough supply and costs too much in energy, they will replace it.
He is showing up during the times he believes are most important to hang onto the relationship OR when he is trying to hold up an appearance to others. As time goes on, his time can become less and less as long as you are still available to him.
I don’t get it, I would hate to think I tricked ’em
They fall victim to my system, guess I sure know how to pick ’em
He SURE DOES know how to pick’em. His pursuits are calculated, not by chance.
Narcissists do not have relationships, they have manipulations. They have fine-tuned their “system” over the years and know how to manipulate someone into believing they are a good man or woman, creating a false persona, so they can obtain the benefits they seek in the individual. He will know early on if you will fall for his system.
And I’m always her regret, yeah, I’m always her regret
And I always make it harder on whoever’s coming next
He’s always a regret because the relationship breaks her down and by the end, she doesn’t recognize herself. She can have a lot of regret for being tricked and staying for so long. She fell in love with an illusion and trust issues will be taken into the next relationship unless she works on her healing.
Often, she will repeat the same pattern TOO. She will get in another narcissistic relationship just with a new face unless she has done ENOUGH inner work. Sure, they will all seem different at first, most likely because you’ve told them what your ex did and they will do their best to make you believe they are not like that.
It goes up and down, it’s just up and down
She’s crying now but she’ll laugh again
These toxic relationships have extreme ups and downs, it’s a toxic energetic bond that becomes addictive. He knows her patterns and how to get her to believe in his “good” again. He will love bomb her until she is laughing again.
She loves it, she stares at me like who does this
And we hold hands while I pray that she’s not the type to hold grudges, I’m wrong
He knows that look, he has her hooked. He hopes she will sweep everything under the rug so he is not held accountable for breaking her heart. Narcissists do not like to clean up their messes and make things right unless they are forced to.
Bad boys ain’t no good
Good boys ain’t no fun
Good boys, healthy relationships, seem very boring and don’t provide the same dopamine spikes that toxic relationships do. This can feel like you are only attracted to bad boys, toxic men, and those who treat you wrong.
You are attracted to an abuse cycle and the dysfunction. Until you do the healing, you will continue to repeat this type of relationship just with a new face.
Many people in these relationships have childhood adversities so toxic relationships feel like home. We often gravitate to what feels familiar over what is healthy until we reach a point in our healing where we desire healthier relationships.
Lord knows that I should
Run off with the right one
She knows this is unhealthy for her, but the trauma bonding cycle keeps her hooked. It feels like true love but it’s really manipulations of the heart, mind, and emotions.
Me and Mr. Wrong get along so good (so good)
Even though he breaks my heart so bad (so bad)
We got a special thing going on
Me and Mr. Wrong (mister wrong)
Even if I try, no, I never could
Give him up cause his loves like that
Ain’t no way that I’m moving on
I love my Mr. Wrong
Hung up off your good
He continues to break her heart but she is claiming they get along so good. She is really focusing on the highs because they feel so FKN AMAZING while minimizing the toxicity.
She feels special but that is by design, his “system.” He most likely is breaking her heart through cheating and all the other women feel “special” too.
People who try to leave when they are in a toxic bond will get cravings just like an addict detoxing. This intensity is mistaken for true love when it’s really a withdrawal symptom.
You calling, I run
She is so starved for his “good” side and attention that when he calls, she is willing to drop everything when he asks for her time. She knows the sex and attention are going to be amazing. She is surviving off of crumbs and eventually, it will take its toll.
My fam’ is screaming at me don’t do it
Don’t do it Mary
I guess they never had none
Family may understand more than you know because they have been through it OR they are healthier and can see the toxicity much sooner than you will and to a much truer degree. They can see you giving up your life for this person and justifying it in the name of love.
When he put that loving on me
I can’t think of nothing
That’ll make me walk out
I’m holding on
I love my Mr. Wrong
He be kissing and touching on me
I can’t help but love him
I must be outta my mind
For going so strong
I love my Mr. Wrong
Sex can be amazing! Some narcissists are driven by the feedback they get as a sexual partner, it is a main source of supply. This is also a reason many relationships with narcissists involve sexual addictions and cheating (MOST, but not all).
Sex can also be used as a tool to bring you back into the relationship.
While many can be good in bed, others are not. They are solely focused on self-pleasure, have erectile dysfunction, or do not get supply from sex and only use it as a tool to obtain a relationship so there may be a lack of sex, a sexual starvation for a healthier partner that happens after a commitment is made.