When someone in a narcissistic relationship has finally reached a breaking point and decides to put up boundaries, take a break from the relationship, or end it, they may experience their partner threatening suicide.
Is this another form of manipulation, or is there a genuine risk of suicide?
It could be one of these or both. Studies suggest that those with high narcissistic traits may have an increased risk of suicidal idealization.
We also know they study individuals, especially those they are in a relationship with, and when hoovering, pity, and love bombing are losing their ability to draw you back in, they may use suicide threats as a manipulation tool.
Additionally, many narcissists have co-occurring disorders and addictions, significantly heightening their risk.
If their partner regularly threatens suicide, it might indicate Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). People with BPD experience emotions more intensely than average and often struggle with emotional regulation.
Let’s dive deeper into this subject.
Suicide As Punishment
Sometimes anger or revenge are behind the suicide threats with the purpose of punishing someone for the narcissist’s pain or not doing what they desire.
Many of their targets are highly empathetic, people pleasers, easy to forgive or even blame themselves when someone is upset or angry. This is the perfect target for the blame.
Yes, they can commit suicide to punish and torture someone that loves and cares for them.
While there is usually secrecy with suicide, meaning those close to someone are taken back and shocked when they find out this person attempted or committed suicide, this is not the case when a narcissist is emotionally abusing someone else through self harm.
If they are wanting to punish you, they will make sure to really pull at your heart strings and consciousness. They will write a letter, leave a detailed voice mail or message, they will call you during the attempt or even hurt themselves in front of you as they watch you beg for them to stop.
Emotional Blackmail
Threatening suicide could be a form of emotional blackmail regardless if there are true suicidal thoughts or not.
Narcissists gain a lot of fuel by emotionally controlling someone when they are not doing what they want. The worry, begging and pleading them not to hurt themselves provides validation and control.
Although this may just be a manipulation tactic, you don’t know. There could be other mental health conditions that are causing them to react this way, so you must take suicide threats seriously, but that doesn’t mean allow them to control you.
If this is in indeed manipulation, you can not teach them that suicide threats will work to get what they want or they will continue using it as a tool.
And just like other forms of abuse, it will escalate so that you continue to believe they may take their own life. They could even start acting out or showing you they are preparing for suicide. This can be taken too far, and the narcissist could accidentally hurt themselves trying to manipulate you.
What Triggers Suicide in a Narcissist?
Suicide is a complex and sensitive topic, and it is often difficult to understand why someone would choose to end their own life. While there are many different factors that can contribute to suicidal thoughts and behaviors, narcissism is one factor that may play a significant role.
The research on narcissism and suicide is a growing interest amongst psychologist. While it’s still in its infancy, we do know this is a complex and multifaceted study.
A narcissistic injury can lead to suicidal thoughts:
Loss of Supply
Narcissistic individuals have an excessive need for admiration and validation, and they often have an inflated sense of self-importance. This can lead to a fragile self-esteem, which makes them highly vulnerable to any perceived criticism or rejection. When faced the loss of admiration from others, narcissistic individuals may experience intense feelings of shame and worthlessness.
Impulsivity and Recklessness
Narcissism is often associated with impulsivity and recklessness. Due to their inflated sense of self-importance, narcissists may engage in impulsive and risky behaviors without fully considering the consequences. This can lead to a cycle of self-destructive behavior that can leave them feeling isolated and disconnected from others.
Rejection From Others
The constant need for validation and attention can make it difficult for them to handle rejection or criticism. This can trigger feelings of shame, worthlessness, and hopelessness, making suicide seem like the only solution.
Loss of Control and Power
Narcissists often have a strong desire for control and power over others. They may manipulate and exploit those around them to maintain this sense of control. However, when they experience a loss of control or power in their relationships, business, or finances, it can be devastating to their fragile self-esteem.
This loss of control can trigger feelings of worthlessness and failure in narcissistic individuals. They may feel like they are no longer able to maintain their desired image or status. This feeling of powerlessness can be a contributing factor to suicidal thoughts and behaviors.
NPD Or Borderline Personality Disorder
Narcissistic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder are two mental health conditions that can often be confused with one another. While there may be some overlapping symptoms, it is important to understand the key differences between these disorders in order to receive proper diagnosis and treatment.
One of the main differences between the two is how individuals with each disorder interact with others.
Those with narcissistic personality disorder tend to have an inflated sense of self-importance and a constant need for admiration from others. They may also lack empathy and have difficulty forming meaningful relationships.
On the other hand, individuals with borderline personality disorder struggle with intense emotions, particularly when it comes to their relationships with others. This can manifest in impulsive behavior, fear of abandonment, and unstable sense of self.
While those with narcissistic personality disorder may have difficulty empathizing with others, individuals with borderline personality disorder are often highly sensitive to the emotions and actions of others.
Additionally, individuals with narcissistic personality disorder may struggle with feelings of grandiosity and entitlement, whereas those with borderline personality disorder tend to have a deep-seated fear of abandonment and rejection. This can lead to patterns of clinginess or extreme efforts to avoid being left alone.
One study indicates that about 13% of individuals with BPD also meet the diagnostic criteria for NPD. Another report suggests that up to 39% of people with BPD may also have NPD. When BPD and NPD occur together, it is often a specific subtype of NPD known as covert or vulnerable narcissism.
Suicide As Self-Control
Individuals with pathological narcissism often perceive themselves as superior, possessing an inflated sense of self-worth, and are absorbed in fantasies of limitless success, power, beauty, etc. so there are typically no suicidal warning signs that stand out to most people.
When faced with challenges, humiliation, shaming (especially public), suicidal thoughts may become a means in the narcissist distorted thinking to regain control.
Suicide impacts people, even those who dislike the narcissist, potentially causing feelings of guilt and shame. This becomes a way for the narcissist to retaliate.
As far as the narcissist is concerned, suicide is an act of self-control: a glorified exit, a f* you, an honorable way to commit suicide and avoid overwhelmingly pain.
They might believe that by ending their life, they will elevate their self-esteem or find meaning, leaving their life on a perceived high note.
Cerebral Narcissists
A cerebral narcissist is someone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) who primarily exhibits traits of intellectual superiority and lacks empathy towards others. They may view themselves as superior to those around them, constantly seeking validation and recognition for their intelligence and accomplishments. This type of narcissist often prioritizes their own intellect over emotional connections with others, making it difficult for them to form genuine relationships.
Cerebral narcissists also tend to have a strong need for control and perfectionism, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy or failure if they are not able to achieve their high standards. This constant pressure to maintain their image as the smartest person in the room can create immense internal stress and turmoil.
Cerebral narcissists are often disconnected from their emotions due to their grandiose perception of themselves and their focus on intellectual pursuits. This detachment can make it easier for them to consider suicide as an option, as they may see themselves as just a body or a container that no longer serves a purpose, especially as they age.
Growing Suicidal Risks In Elderly
Narcissists possess an excessive and superficial self-interest, focusing keenly on their appearance, achievements, intellect, status, and sexual allure.
This self-absorption allows them to navigate the world within their false reality.
Some hope that as narcissists age, they might gain maturity and personal growth, leading to humility and a reduction in their unempathetic, selfish behavior.
Unfortunately, the opposite often occurs—they worsen with time. Aging poses a threat to their ego, stripping away the illusions they’ve created.
As people grow older, their inherent traits become more pronounced. If someone is sweet, they become even sweeter. Conversely, a narcissist finds it increasingly difficult to maintain their facade as their sources of validation diminish and youthful vigor wanes.
Elderly narcissists, particularly those suffering from dementia, face a heightened risk of suicide, exacerbating their already turbulent experience.
Suicide in Narcissistic Abuse Victims
It’s also important to discuss suicide amongst victims of narcissistic abuse: emotional abuse, psychological, financial, physical, sexual and any other form of abuse.
Suicide is a tragic and devastating outcome that can occur as a result of narcissistic abuse. It is important to acknowledge this reality and the immense pain that victims of narcissistic abuse may experience.
The constant manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional turmoil inflicted by a perpetrator of narcissistic abuse can ultimately lead to feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness in their victim. Society and well meaning people can invalidate the abuse a victim may experience.
These distorted perceptions of self can make it incredibly difficult for survivors to see a way out or find any sense of relief from their suffering.
As empathetic individuals, it is important for us to recognize the potential warning signs of suicidal ideation in narcissistic abuse victims.
Some common red flags include increased isolation, withdrawal from social activities, sudden changes in mood or behavior, and expressing feelings of hopelessness and despair.
If you notice these signs in yourself or someone you know who has experienced narcissistic abuse, it is crucial to take action immediately.
One approach to addressing suicidal thoughts is through therapy for narcissistic abuse and support groups and create a safety plan for leaving the relationship and steps for a crisis situation.
*It’s important to point out if you are in critical need for support, don’t wait to find a therapist, this is an emergency. Dial the national domestic violence hotline or suicide and crisis lifeline at 988.They can provide instant emotional support.
Final Thoughts
It’s crucial to understand that suicide risks are not limited to narcissists; they can affect anyone experiencing mental health challenges or difficult life circumstances.
Additionally, narcissists often lack empathy, making it difficult for them to understand or recognize their own emotions. This detachment from oneself can lead to feelings of emptiness, potentially contributing to suicidal thoughts.
Narcissistic and Borderline personality disorders can both have difficulty articulating their emotional state when they are overwhelmed by emotional pain causing them to dysregulate without the tools to cope and deal with the distress.
They may have created a suicide plan much earlier than the date of follow through and when they hit a low point, they can become impulsive and act on it.
While not all narcissist have suicidal idealization, the disorder itself, along with possible co-occuring conditions and circumstantial factors can can put someone with NPD at a higher risk for suicide.
